Practical psychology and love addiction in the relationships.
“What I feel for him is not love, but some kind of addiction. I have to make a tremendous effort not to call him every moment, not to tell him I love you at the wrong time, not to annoy him with too much of my attention. I’ve lost myself. Lost somewhere in him, which I am drawn to with superhuman strength. I start forbidding myself to call him or to write. But my hands again are reaching for the phone. I feel myself that it is annoying. I feel it and continue to call, knock the door. He moves away from me more and more … How to get rid of this love addiction? ”
Such confessions are familiar to psychologists and psychotherapists. And even if you too look around you will find a lot of women “fixated” on their loved one, often indifferent to them man. In their thinking they realize that this relationship should be ended, but they cannot approach and finally make a step, so they continue suffer in their love addiction relationship.
My Neighbor Story
I have a woman neighbor next door who has love addicting relationship for many years. When I see her now and look at her indifferent, bloated face, I remember what she was like about 15 years ago. After her husband’s death and short-lived marriage which was not exactly happy, she was left with a little boy, but after some time suddenly seemed to come alive and become just a glow of happiness – she met new love. Kate adored her new boyfriend. But soon she found out that he is married already. Of course it saddened her, but she believed that her love will win in this battle …
The years has passed, and he still was in no hurry to leave his wife. Also her BF got noticeably cooler to her, but she was the same terribly in love with him. Sometimes she would complained that she would love to get rid of her feelings, but can’t. Her girlfriends would try to find her one fiance after another, but all in vain … ‘I just can’t do it, – she would say in desperation. – All of them seems are not interesting and boring to me…’ ‘You need to go somewhere and get some rest and relax,’- would continue her girlfriends. And one day Kate was sent almost by force to Hawaii to get a fresh air from her love addiction relationship.
When she returned home tanned and refreshed everyone was asking how was everything there. And she answered that she had met there a man, although he was a little younger than her, but very nice man, an engineer and he asked her to marry him. A week later the ‘hero’ appeared himself, approved by all neighbors. ‘Marry him Kate do not hesitate’ – would they advise her. And Kate accepted. Everything seems well for a while. He went back home to resign from work and prepare for the move. But soon after the bride sent him a letter saying “I’m sorry, I can’t do it”. Kate could not stand it … Although she realized In her mind he was a good man and would be a good husband, but all it was forgotten as soon as her love addiction has appeared.
Since then Kate’s son grew up, has married and left home. But Kate’s life is still the same. It has become closed and silent. Only if she gets little drink, she’d become similar to what she was like many years ago – lively and cheerful.
Love addiction is the greatest mystery and pain in psychotherapy
‘Women are the biggest mystery and pain in our therapy – says a well-known psychotherapist A. Paleev.- Probably no one neurotic disorder has generate as much controversy, debate, research and discussion, as a love addicting relationship. And the debates of the love addiction have started a long time ago since psychotherapy is known. But even today we know very little of love addiction state.’
According to statistics, every third woman who is seeking the psychotherapy consultation, is suffering from love addiction. Men also fall into the trap of love addiction, but rarely. This devastating condition is very similar to drug addiction. The feeling may be mutual and not divided, but in any case it intoxicates like a drug. Unfortunately, it is often mistaken for true love.
The experience from such love addicting relationships does not go unnoticed. Such women often suffer of the same love addicting relationships for a lifetime, going from one sick relationship to another, wasting the best years of her life.
Men most often become disappointed in love once they experienced painful love addiction. Fearful of further suffering, they forbid themselves to love at all, justifying this by saying that there is no such thing as true love in the world. And they begin unconsciously to take revenge: they make woman to fall in love with them, and then suddenly brake up, knowing that if it happens in the midst of a romantic relationship, the woman will become dependent. Then you can go back and force, manipulate and use her as you wish.
But the saddest thing of that is having once experienced such a passionate love addiction feelings, the person no longer wants calm and happy love. It does not have enough misery, suffering and thrills. And such person can easily pass the true love if he finds it.
What is the reason for love addiction?
Experts try to answer first two important questions: what is the reason of love addiction and how to help with it? A number of psychologists assert that those who give into a love addicting relationships have low self-esteem and negative program laid in their mind back from childhood and parents. Or it could be the excessive need of love, which is a consequence of parents rejection in their childhood and loss of a security sense. The main feature of the love addiction and dependence is the absence or lack of self-love.